This is our Artistic Process. I love this girl.
that I’ll be playing with for the rest of my life
“This has been so many things, though.”, I explained to my friend as he came by and conveniently took away some paintings of mine that have been giving me a weird glare and need to leave where I sleep at night. I’ve surrendered. I locked myself out of my house accidentally again, for the second time since my roommates left for California and am so glad he was there to let me back in and take my art and swiftly leave me in the comfort of my vanilla tea and boondocks reruns on netflix. I hardly ever watch tv anymore. I was explaining the process on this painting, but I didn’t get as in depth as I could have. This is a really big canvas compared to most of my work. The canvas itself was a birthday gift from a tall, handsome man with anger issues and an interesting last name. He’s got entitlement problems just like every other guy I decide I don’t want to be with. Originally, it was a woman, naked, bent over, hardly visible/audible and tossed in the rain. I painted her over and over and over again, deciding it best fit to just never let her be complete in that way I usually do not let things finish. My art and emotions dance with each other pretty regularly so it was an easy choice to make. I decided would paint and keep painting forever, taking photos along the way of every iteration of a painting that it exists in. So far she has erupted into a forest of color and boredom and mythology. Who knows where next my imagination decides to travel to but you trust me it will end up here along with the layers and layers of everything I have ever felt.
It’s just been
a strange year, this year.
I did my photoshoot with David Hilton on Saturday. I hope to see him post them all up in the next two weeks! I’ve never actually done modeling with someone that I was not initially a friend of and so I was completely out of my element. It went a good bit better than my DJ stint last week end but either way I am doing my heart a world of good the last few weeks and I look forward to things getting better. These are some of my favorite photos of the last couple of months. Things.
but I still feel really bad about it.
My roommates just left and I dont know where they are but I am here swallowing my decisions over and over again every time I take a sip of tea. I’m listening to La Maison de Mon Reve again because it’s still one of my favorite albums and I am playing By your side mostly because it makes me think of someone in particular. My stomach is in knots. I have so many tabs open as per standard procedure, sitting here, dual wielding laptops trying to find a job and smelling bananas and chocolate and mint tea on my desk. Its cold in here. I am thinking about how much I want things to happen so badly and how bad I am at making things happen. “I just want to be your housewife.”
If I don’t make it in art I will live with myself knowing I threw away something truly beautiful and that scares me. I wish I had my mouse so I felt comfortable enough to do illustrations again. I have so much inspiration lately from the network of people I have been meeting. I am setting up accounts but doing the business side of things is so much less fun than the experiences I have that make me create in the first place. I should be writing more but admitting things to myself is hard enough, nevermind a bunch of complete strangers on the internet. Boy, if you are reading this I love you and I …just love you. Goodnight. 🙂
Hikari Shimoda was born in 1984 in Nagano, Japan. Her paintings are generally ethereal and dreamlike and take obvious inspiration from anime and manga. Her children look hypnotized, often injured and coquettish. They are cute and surreal and entirely beautiful in the soft pastel dreamscapes hat she creates with her artwork. Follow Hikari Shimoda’s work online at http://hikarishimoda.com/, and like her on facebook !