It’s October finally …

Boise, Idaho, writing

and here I am, on the couch with my laptop and a cup of good old southern sweet tea on the table. It’s the only time I can spare to catch up with writing. I have so much exciting news to share! After deciding working from home would not work with a little one, and trying to jump back into the office life for a few months my husband and I decided to just live on one income until our son is 3 years old. Motherhood requires patience and persistence that I have more of than he, so his stay at home dad arrangement would not work as well.

I thought about our baby boy often at work. The office itself was a different set of concerns, stress and daily headaches that stopped feeling worthwhile eventually. Following my heart always came so easily to me. Now, I get to wake up early and kiss my boy all over his forehead and exhaustedly ensure the apartment is clean and the boy is loved, entertained, fed and happy.

Science says that children are developing their personalities the most in their first 3 years of life, and there are others that believe that mothers specifically are needed for nurturing emotional intelligence in these first few years. For that reason, I decided to take a break from work. I am prioritizing motherhood and there’s nothing wrong with it. I have a lot of anxious cutting the household budget so significantly but the long term benefits more than outweigh the cons.

I am trying to paint more and playing games and having fun and supporting my boy and my man. I am playing the world’s idea of a woman’s role with my life. All these twists and turns and things I never thought would happen. Right over my head. This kid, he will be 2060. He will be 2100. He is beyond me and worth everything. Exciting stuff!

My two best friends came back to Boise last month for our annual meet-up! This time, we drove southeast towards Utah and tried hunting for the fallest vibes, unfortunately or fortunately just a week too early!

It was beautiful and fun. I hope that next year we can go to a national park and i can bring the rest of the family and have baby enjoy the scenery as much as I did. That’s a separate topic, scheduled for later this week. Right now, I have a blessing to attend to. Love and light!

Early Humans in Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, traveling, writing

I was recently reading an article about the oldest signs of life on the North American continent were found in Eastern Idaho over this past week. The artifacts found date human life here back about 16,000 years earlier than we previously had evidence of.

It was an interesting read, and I am blessed to be a short drive away from the areas mentioned in the article.

My sister has been staying with us for 2 weeks now, and by gods grace decided to do us a huge favor as a family unit and stay here to provide extra care for Axle while Shane goes through welding school for the next 9 months. I have been spending my weekends and spare time taking her around to see some of my favorite spots, and as a lover of photography and documentation, she took some beautiful photos.

We drove to Twin Falls and to the Malad Gorge and through the Boise foothills and up towards Idaho City so far. We saw Boise looking small from the top of Table Rock and drove until the sun set into the mountains on multiple evenings. It’s a type of natural beauty that is completely different from the kind that you will find in Florida where we are from and where she has been living for the last few years.

It still feels like an area one might expect to see early humans. Dinosaurs, even. The landscapes are sculpted by god and everything makes you feel small and reminds you that one slip of the foot can be fatal. The gorges, plateaus, valleys and mountains emerge violently through the earth and demand to be respected.

I cannot wait for every other moment I will have with him. There’s so much beauty on this planet that it will take a lifetime to see it all. I am blessed with the ability to start showing you these beautiful things now, when you are so small. The world cant make you feel any smaller. I wonder what it could possibly be like to be 9 months old. To have no clue. I wonder why no one I know remembers being 9 months old. I wonder what your mind is like when it’s not even fully formed.

These first two years, they are everything to me and I am trying my best to craft a people person, a gift for the next 100 years. A gift for the rest of the universe. A kind soul. And I am starting out here in Idaho, the valley of life for North America. An under-appreciated, quiet state with the most intimidating earths I’ve stepped foot on. It’s intensely beautiful.

It’s September 1st.

Building a life out here in Boise, Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I wanted to share some photos from my life over the last few months. I wanted to share the cute smirk and look on my son’s little baby face. We’ve gone on a lot of adventures together, make some art, taken many walks, laughed together, switched baby watching time so we could get breaks every day, and built a lot of memories. I started growing plants on the porch again, and even have some house plants!

  • Plants!
  • Mama Camille and son
  • Angels
  • RIP
  • I84 Idaho
  • Shoshone Falls

I still take photos of all of the dead birds in the summer, and drive for a long time to see the huge mountains surrounding the valley. My husband and son are the sweetest people in the world. I am adapting to a role with a new company that is growing and has a lot of potential and great things happening.

I feel like every week the average temperature is dropping 2 degrees and its so exciting. That is one thing I do love about Boise, the seasons break up the year. It’s not as consistent every day, but it’s a nice thing to experience a white winter, a colorful fall and everything in between.

My best friends are coming this fall and we’re going to see the fall leaves in Logan, Utah 4 hours south of Boise. We’ll drive through those flame-colored mountains and feel the earthy breeze dance through the car.

I hope we can say hello to a few big animals and take some beautiful photos and build nice memories with our short trip!

I am glad that for the last two years they managed to come to Boise and spend time with me! It’s officially a tradition in my book. Each time, we will briefly explore a new area together. Last summer, we all went through Oregon to the coastal town of Newport and down the coast a ways. Every scenic stop was a different kind of breathtaking.

It will be so good for my soul, which feels weathered by the year. My plants can only do so much. I have missed my friends. <3

It’s not my problem, so why do I always try to solve it?

home, Pasco County, Florida

The situation is I am in is more or less recurring. I feel obligated to help. Financially help. Various family members. Maybe there’s an ask, sometimes there’s guilt with a wall of purpose. It comes in different shapes and forms and manipulates my emotions. Who knows why it really keeps recurring. I’m a very big empath when it comes to certain people or situations and it is to a fault. My fault.

I think that God gives me the ability to do these things, but it always sets me away from my goals. I feel bad about not meeting them and being able to save more money. With a child and a family, it’s more important to me than ever to be able to set money aside.

I often find articles on the internet that discuss how 40% of American adults cannot cover a $400 emergency expense. I am quite grateful to be in the 60% that can.

When I was younger, I made a lot of financial mistakes but I have been trying to rectify them since my mid-twenties. A baby is not a cheap thing, but we cut costs by using cloth diapers and buying clothes lightly used from local trade groups.

We now have credit cards with a $0 balance, over one thousand dollars saved in a high yield savings account and a total debt of about $10,000 that I am trying to tackle.

As an artist and working mom working in tech, this feels impossible.

Life is hard. How do you deal with the guilt of success? Are you obligated to financially help your family? Will I ever be able to buy a home for my family? Is life in America worth pursuing? Will it get easier? I miss gardening and having a screened-in painting area. I miss having a table made of cement blocks with morning glories growing out of them. I miss waking up early enough to see the sun rise and going on walks every day.

I had a good cry the other day at lunch. Now I feel better, and ready to ride the waves of the universal ocean.

This is August, 2019.

I am just a cloud in the sky. I am just a passerby

Boise, Idaho, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, traveling, writing

That’s the tune I sing in my own head while I grocery shop with my family. We are calling out to each-other in the aisles like lost animals. Circling the entire store multiple times on our weekly hunt. Vegetables. Meat. Soups and cereal. We forgot cheese.

It’s a nice song by lusine, but I change the words around a little bit in my version. It sort of narratives how out of the way I try to be while existing around other people (in public mostly).

Shane has been painting more than I have been lately, it’s inspiring. I am so grateful for his presence in my life. He is always curious about something different, and always laughing and just being a grounding force in my world.

The one he is working on and most of the women he paint often have pretty spooky, masculine shaped faces and exaggerated curves. This piece has beautiful sunset colors, too so it’s an interesting dynamic.

It’s August and soon it will be September and soon we will both grow another year older.

The hot Boise summer is almost over. I’ll drink even more coffee than I do now. With added whipped cream, pumpkin creamer, and chocolate shavings dispersed on top. I am ready for everything the fall has to offer me this year. From the cooler breezes and crumbs of humidity to the tease of rain and still rare sound of thunder. Myself and my husbands birthdays is always an exciting time, but the most exciting of all is that I get to see two of the best friends I have in this universe.

I cannot wait to see Evelyn and Holly and make interesting art with them and introduce them to this tiny human I made. Holly got to touch my belly when we were sitting in the back seat of my car, driving through Oregon on a quest to see the Pacific Ocean with them while they were up here.

It was bulging and she felt him kick just once. I was 7 months pregnant, sweating through the summer in record Boise heat. They are coming closer to the fall this time and we are going to drive through Idaho southeast into Logan Canyon in Utah.

In mid September, I anticipate a gorgeous display of leaves changing along the mountains. I’ve actually never been, but I looked up drone footage and shared them in our group chat.

Time has been going by so fast, and the year is closing in on me already. I’ll be 30 soon and shortly after that I’ll hold my one year old up in the air, with his silly grin pulled from ear to ear.

I am looking forward to everything the future has in store for me, and grateful for the things the past has afforded me. And, of course, sharing them with you.

Until next Sunday,

Camille

Idaho State Penitentiary- The Wes Anderson style prison

photography, photos, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

Shane and I went out that way this weekend because our son was spontaneously with his grandma for a few hours and it was awesome! This place was supposed to be haunted and was just a short trip to the other side of Boise. The penitentiary was home to some classic western America criminals and throughout the century of its operation, was the last place 100+ people were alive.

When we got there, it was opposite the botanical gardens which also contained the penitentiary cemetery. A lot of flowers, how delightful!

The cells themselves were all unique and appeared to be ruins with previously pastel colored walls. They easily could be mistaken for sets from a Wes Anderson film.

When you look from afar, the blues and pinks and orange peeling from the cell walls was heavily contrasted with the typical prison bars and monochromatic, dirty penitentiary hallways.

A part of me is busy thinking about the novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest that I read as a high schooler. This is where that story took place, all across America. Places like this. 110 individuals died here. Some of old age and other natural causes. Many others died in the gallows, sentences to death here in Boise, Idaho.

No ghosts, but plenty of style. This was a neat spot to visit if you are ever in the Boise, Idaho area. It’s also right across the street from a beautiful botanical garden. Make sure to bring a small bottle of water, the penitentiary can be very hot in the summer.

I’ve slapped so much color on that thing that it might give anyone else a headache

art, art, photos

and after all those brush strokes and finger dabs, I still don’t care for it. It’s Saturday. I started my new job one month ago this past week. It’s been an interesting ride so far, new jobs get more interesting with age. I am slowly getting to know a group of people that I would hope to be with for years, growing and learning professionally. With them around, in an office this time.

So during the weekends, I’m still laying more and more paint into these giant canvases. I sent my husband to get canvases for me a few weekends ago and he brings back 3 massive 5 ft 6in”. They were of course too big to fit in our Mini Cooper so I am amazed he was able to find a way to bring them home and surprise me with them. These ones, I think, must be perfect.

Nothing about it is correct, they look weird and uncomfortable as usual.

dont mind the junk

I’m having my evening coffee early today. It’s only 2:00pm on a Saturday. My husband is at his moms using her refurnishing tools to build 2 cigar box guitars. I am painting with our son and listening to my Baby Huey playlist. Have a wonderful time. 🙂

Moving with the sun

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

Something about working on a collaborative piece of art completely rejuvenates my entire being. This weekend, it was an experimental art film shot by a local filmmaker and professor. My husband was in the film, and was the primary model. My model. Kevin Roy’s model. I was in awe, delicately filming him in and around a bathroom on the top floor at 500 Capitol Inn. Downtown. The sun was shining in his blue eyes just right. They’re beautiful. Framed by his long black hair, I am swooning.

Now it’s Monday night. Back to watching anime on netflix and hanging out with our young son.

Back to reality where we aren’t living in a dream, the subjects of an experiment by a highly creative mind. He’s as beautiful as ever.

Stolen Indigenous Land

Boise, Idaho, writing

That’s what was spray-painted, huge letters that slightly leaned towards the left on a concrete outpost at the top of a scenic overlook called dead mans pass in Oregon.

I got out of the outpost and climbed down, closer to the text. “So it is.”, I said to my companion. I wish it was not stolen. I guess there’s no real way to fix history. I think about it a lot, when I see myself and the other white colored people that I run into in the western United States. Sitting Bull would be disgusted with us, but here I am. I know where I’m from. I can apologize for it forever, but nothing would ever change the past.

I was up all night reading about territorial history in Idaho, Oregon, Washington, Wyoming and Montana. Thinking about that outpost. It was so fucking beautiful.

Stolen Indigenous Land in Eastern Oregon

There’s a lot of ghost towns in Idaho, and I’d like to make a point to travel to them. I want to learn their stories, from all sides. The history of a small towns existence. I don’t consider any cities in Idaho to be really, truly “big”. Not in the sense that I’ve experienced. Boise is the biggest city here and it’s population is under 500k. I can drive through downtown in 10 minutes.

There’s a lot of cities that have populations sitting under 500, very small communities that I don’t understand how the population remains steady decade after decade.

Wouldn’t the children want to move? How does their economy function?

In the late 1800s many small villages and towns formed upon the false promise of gold in the Idaho-Oregon territory. The whites that traveled here did so not knowing, or more likely: not caring that this land was owned and promised to the Native populations that lived here. They fought for this land in the Battle of the Little BigHorn, and they WON! The Nez Perce Indians were supposed to live here in peace but we know how history plays out with white people and any non-white people.

Look at it today. Some cities were developed in Idaho on top of, what is it? Stolen Indigenous Land.

I swallowed my saliva. I don’t see native people out here. They have been systemically shoved into small reservations where they suffer from poverty, lack of education, opportunity and in many cases addiction.

We’re not doing enough. But that’s been the trend, hasn’t it?

Lets hold ourselves and our state representatives and government officials accountable for historic, systemic racism and its effects on modern day populations.