The winter is flirting with me and I am not ready for her.

Boise, Idaho, writing

Not enough pants that I can layer, not enough money to pay heat bills, not enough boots or hot cocoa or fuzzy socks. But we’re getting there! A few weeks back, Boise suffered from the earliest freeze in 30 years and a few of my porch plants died. Oh well! I did manage to rescue a few after giving them a thorough haircut but some new growth is still there. And so we start again.

How did the pioneers survive out in these lands with no electricity or accommodations outside of their wood cabins and determination? Absolutely inspiring to think how far we humans have come and especially how rapidly we have changed since the industrial revolution.

It’s November, so that means that little one is turning one year old at the end of the month! Exciting times every day and I am happy I still have time to write & paint & pursue other hobbies with him. At the dollar store, I bought 2 bags of 25 colorful balloons to fill up his playpen for the next 4 weeks so we can have a super fun November! I know at least I love that balloons, and maybe the cat does too sometimes.

I got my hands dirty with some paint this week, working on something from both last week and last summer! It’s a vaguely woman shaped figure with celestial matter spilling out her her guts, standing next to a yellow bird.

The womanly figure’s face must be left intentionally blank, because it’s heavily textured as it glows in the dark. The yellow bird got some more coats of yellow, and some skin tones were improved. I painted some lightning and some stars, more DNA strands and curves a holy light emerging from behind the earth. As per usual, not sure where I was going with this, nor where it is headed, i’m just loving the process!

More on this soon! I hope to have some more time painting this weekend 🙂 Until next time!

A brief sum of the season

Boise, Idaho, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, writing

Our son is almost one year old. He is happy, grumpy, and gets what he wants. It’s like dealing with a very small, primal version of my husband, of whom has attitude and grump in abundance.

Boise has been good to us this year. My mother came into town for 4 days in October and we drove up to Cascade, Idaho where the snow was kissing the ground and there were colorful trees littered all along 55.

I am anticipating a long, rough winter. I hope it’s our last. I’ve been painting with watercolors, and doing some vector art with Illustrator this week for a friend! I am excited to be able to flex my artistic muscles some more while we adjust to our new normal household situation.

As a side note, while my coffee gets cold: I’ve decided I would love to design and make a toy.

It’s October finally …

Boise, Idaho, writing

and here I am, on the couch with my laptop and a cup of good old southern sweet tea on the table. It’s the only time I can spare to catch up with writing. I have so much exciting news to share! After deciding working from home would not work with a little one, and trying to jump back into the office life for a few months my husband and I decided to just live on one income until our son is 3 years old. Motherhood requires patience and persistence that I have more of than he, so his stay at home dad arrangement would not work as well.

I thought about our baby boy often at work. The office itself was a different set of concerns, stress and daily headaches that stopped feeling worthwhile eventually. Following my heart always came so easily to me. Now, I get to wake up early and kiss my boy all over his forehead and exhaustedly ensure the apartment is clean and the boy is loved, entertained, fed and happy.

Science says that children are developing their personalities the most in their first 3 years of life, and there are others that believe that mothers specifically are needed for nurturing emotional intelligence in these first few years. For that reason, I decided to take a break from work. I am prioritizing motherhood and there’s nothing wrong with it. I have a lot of anxious cutting the household budget so significantly but the long term benefits more than outweigh the cons.

I am trying to paint more and playing games and having fun and supporting my boy and my man. I am playing the world’s idea of a woman’s role with my life. All these twists and turns and things I never thought would happen. Right over my head. This kid, he will be 2060. He will be 2100. He is beyond me and worth everything. Exciting stuff!

My two best friends came back to Boise last month for our annual meet-up! This time, we drove southeast towards Utah and tried hunting for the fallest vibes, unfortunately or fortunately just a week too early!

It was beautiful and fun. I hope that next year we can go to a national park and i can bring the rest of the family and have baby enjoy the scenery as much as I did. That’s a separate topic, scheduled for later this week. Right now, I have a blessing to attend to. Love and light!

Early Humans in Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, traveling, writing

I was recently reading an article about the oldest signs of life on the North American continent were found in Eastern Idaho over this past week. The artifacts found date human life here back about 16,000 years earlier than we previously had evidence of.

It was an interesting read, and I am blessed to be a short drive away from the areas mentioned in the article.

My sister has been staying with us for 2 weeks now, and by gods grace decided to do us a huge favor as a family unit and stay here to provide extra care for Axle while Shane goes through welding school for the next 9 months. I have been spending my weekends and spare time taking her around to see some of my favorite spots, and as a lover of photography and documentation, she took some beautiful photos.

We drove to Twin Falls and to the Malad Gorge and through the Boise foothills and up towards Idaho City so far. We saw Boise looking small from the top of Table Rock and drove until the sun set into the mountains on multiple evenings. It’s a type of natural beauty that is completely different from the kind that you will find in Florida where we are from and where she has been living for the last few years.

It still feels like an area one might expect to see early humans. Dinosaurs, even. The landscapes are sculpted by god and everything makes you feel small and reminds you that one slip of the foot can be fatal. The gorges, plateaus, valleys and mountains emerge violently through the earth and demand to be respected.

I cannot wait for every other moment I will have with him. There’s so much beauty on this planet that it will take a lifetime to see it all. I am blessed with the ability to start showing you these beautiful things now, when you are so small. The world cant make you feel any smaller. I wonder what it could possibly be like to be 9 months old. To have no clue. I wonder why no one I know remembers being 9 months old. I wonder what your mind is like when it’s not even fully formed.

These first two years, they are everything to me and I am trying my best to craft a people person, a gift for the next 100 years. A gift for the rest of the universe. A kind soul. And I am starting out here in Idaho, the valley of life for North America. An under-appreciated, quiet state with the most intimidating earths I’ve stepped foot on. It’s intensely beautiful.

It’s September 1st.

Building a life out here in Boise, Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I wanted to share some photos from my life over the last few months. I wanted to share the cute smirk and look on my son’s little baby face. We’ve gone on a lot of adventures together, make some art, taken many walks, laughed together, switched baby watching time so we could get breaks every day, and built a lot of memories. I started growing plants on the porch again, and even have some house plants!

I still take photos of all of the dead birds in the summer, and drive for a long time to see the huge mountains surrounding the valley. My husband and son are the sweetest people in the world. I am adapting to a role with a new company that is growing and has a lot of potential and great things happening.

I feel like every week the average temperature is dropping 2 degrees and its so exciting. That is one thing I do love about Boise, the seasons break up the year. It’s not as consistent every day, but it’s a nice thing to experience a white winter, a colorful fall and everything in between.

My best friends are coming this fall and we’re going to see the fall leaves in Logan, Utah 4 hours south of Boise. We’ll drive through those flame-colored mountains and feel the earthy breeze dance through the car.

I hope we can say hello to a few big animals and take some beautiful photos and build nice memories with our short trip!

I am glad that for the last two years they managed to come to Boise and spend time with me! It’s officially a tradition in my book. Each time, we will briefly explore a new area together. Last summer, we all went through Oregon to the coastal town of Newport and down the coast a ways. Every scenic stop was a different kind of breathtaking.

It will be so good for my soul, which feels weathered by the year. My plants can only do so much. I have missed my friends. <3

I am just a cloud in the sky. I am just a passerby

Boise, Idaho, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, traveling, writing

That’s the tune I sing in my own head while I grocery shop with my family. We are calling out to each-other in the aisles like lost animals. Circling the entire store multiple times on our weekly hunt. Vegetables. Meat. Soups and cereal. We forgot cheese.

It’s a nice song by lusine, but I change the words around a little bit in my version. It sort of narratives how out of the way I try to be while existing around other people (in public mostly).

Shane has been painting more than I have been lately, it’s inspiring. I am so grateful for his presence in my life. He is always curious about something different, and always laughing and just being a grounding force in my world.

The one he is working on and most of the women he paint often have pretty spooky, masculine shaped faces and exaggerated curves. This piece has beautiful sunset colors, too so it’s an interesting dynamic.

It’s August and soon it will be September and soon we will both grow another year older.

The hot Boise summer is almost over. I’ll drink even more coffee than I do now. With added whipped cream, pumpkin creamer, and chocolate shavings dispersed on top. I am ready for everything the fall has to offer me this year. From the cooler breezes and crumbs of humidity to the tease of rain and still rare sound of thunder. Myself and my husbands birthdays is always an exciting time, but the most exciting of all is that I get to see two of the best friends I have in this universe.

I cannot wait to see Evelyn and Holly and make interesting art with them and introduce them to this tiny human I made. Holly got to touch my belly when we were sitting in the back seat of my car, driving through Oregon on a quest to see the Pacific Ocean with them while they were up here.

It was bulging and she felt him kick just once. I was 7 months pregnant, sweating through the summer in record Boise heat. They are coming closer to the fall this time and we are going to drive through Idaho southeast into Logan Canyon in Utah.

In mid September, I anticipate a gorgeous display of leaves changing along the mountains. I’ve actually never been, but I looked up drone footage and shared them in our group chat.

Time has been going by so fast, and the year is closing in on me already. I’ll be 30 soon and shortly after that I’ll hold my one year old up in the air, with his silly grin pulled from ear to ear.

I am looking forward to everything the future has in store for me, and grateful for the things the past has afforded me. And, of course, sharing them with you.

Until next Sunday,

Camille

Moving with the sun

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

Something about working on a collaborative piece of art completely rejuvenates my entire being. This weekend, it was an experimental art film shot by a local filmmaker and professor. My husband was in the film, and was the primary model. My model. Kevin Roy’s model. I was in awe, delicately filming him in and around a bathroom on the top floor at 500 Capitol Inn. Downtown. The sun was shining in his blue eyes just right. They’re beautiful. Framed by his long black hair, I am swooning.

Now it’s Monday night. Back to watching anime on netflix and hanging out with our young son.

Back to reality where we aren’t living in a dream, the subjects of an experiment by a highly creative mind. He’s as beautiful as ever.

Stolen Indigenous Land

Boise, Idaho, writing

That’s what was spray-painted, huge letters that slightly leaned towards the left on a concrete outpost at the top of a scenic overlook called dead mans pass in Oregon.

I got out of the outpost and climbed down, closer to the text. “So it is.”, I said to my companion. I wish it was not stolen. I guess there’s no real way to fix history. I think about it a lot, when I see myself and the other white colored people that I run into in the western United States. Sitting Bull would be disgusted with us, but here I am. I know where I’m from. I can apologize for it forever, but nothing would ever change the past.

I was up all night reading about territorial history in Idaho, Oregon, Washington, Wyoming and Montana. Thinking about that outpost. It was so fucking beautiful.

Stolen Indigenous Land in Eastern Oregon

There’s a lot of ghost towns in Idaho, and I’d like to make a point to travel to them. I want to learn their stories, from all sides. The history of a small towns existence. I don’t consider any cities in Idaho to be really, truly “big”. Not in the sense that I’ve experienced. Boise is the biggest city here and it’s population is under 500k. I can drive through downtown in 10 minutes.

There’s a lot of cities that have populations sitting under 500, very small communities that I don’t understand how the population remains steady decade after decade.

Wouldn’t the children want to move? How does their economy function?

In the late 1800s many small villages and towns formed upon the false promise of gold in the Idaho-Oregon territory. The whites that traveled here did so not knowing, or more likely: not caring that this land was owned and promised to the Native populations that lived here. They fought for this land in the Battle of the Little BigHorn, and they WON! The Nez Perce Indians were supposed to live here in peace but we know how history plays out with white people and any non-white people.

Look at it today. Some cities were developed in Idaho on top of, what is it? Stolen Indigenous Land.

I swallowed my saliva. I don’t see native people out here. They have been systemically shoved into small reservations where they suffer from poverty, lack of education, opportunity and in many cases addiction.

We’re not doing enough. But that’s been the trend, hasn’t it?

Lets hold ourselves and our state representatives and government officials accountable for historic, systemic racism and its effects on modern day populations.

Mothers on social media, and how the internet has changed family dynamics

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, technology, writing

This is something I’ve been thinking/reading about lately. Mostly reactions to this article about a freshly minted 14 year old on social media who was shocked about the content posted about her by family without her knowledge.

We have a generation of babies right now that will likely emerge as adults in a world with internet.

Babies with videos and images of themselves being assaulted by cheese, learning how to speak and walk. Babies growing up, throwing tantrums and asking questions all documented- sometimes in its entirety- on the internet.

I feel the compulsion interesting and understandable. It has only become very recently that families were able to do more than simply pull photos out from your wallet or purse. Now that we are able to share online, we will overshare. This leaves each person vulnerable. Imagine what this data is doing for machine learning.

We are watching the first generation of people with internet raising their children.

Right now, teenagers exist in the United States that have been entirely denied a private childhood, and I think that’s a problem.

Blogging around your children robs them of something that was afforded to you: the right to have some of their most intimate and vulnerable moments as humans exposed to the internet without consent.

I don’t think that posting a photo is a bad thing, but the volumes of data provided to huge platforms as Facebook and similar is a very scary thought. I would imagine the learning would become so successful that predictions can be made on virtually anything about a person if for example Facebook had data on them from birth to adulthood.

While it would be best to not post photos at all on the internet, I already posted my son’s newborn photo on this website. I’m excited for him to be a part of the rest of my life, and I don’t regret it. I am making a promise to him and to myself that it would be the last one. It’s hard, because he is extremely beautiful to me but this feels like the right way to go.

When he is able to understand what the internet is and tells me he wants to explore it, then we can catch back up. So far, there’s a lot of evidence to back up claims that too much internet access can cause or exacerbate depression.

I want to keep him informed about the opportunities that the internet can provide, as well as the dangers of it.

I want to teach him how to use the internet effectively.

This will be an interesting conversation as his father is not an “internet” person outside of youtube. I work online in the social media and advertising space. We both have vastly different and useful opinions on the internet to share. We also agree that the more time he spends in nature, the better off if will be.

I don’t make art enough these days to update the gallery, but I’m thinking about it. Life is tiring right now because little one is nearly 4 months old. I’ll draft something next weekend.

I hope you’ve noticed the work uploading more art on to this web page. I have a huge variety of work from photography to illustrations with pen to large scale mixed media/ acrylic paintings.

They span over a decade at least, so I’ve been entertaining the idea of respecting myself as an artist.

Not just as a slug of a woman.

With love,

Art Vs Artist

Boise, Idaho, writing

Am I an artist anymore? This is where my mind is at. It’s March 2nd, 2019. I’ve been pushing myself to prioritize making art, for my own mental health.

To come to terms with the rapid evolution of my life into a married mother. Trying to find out where Camille sits after all of these changes were and continue to be a challenge. I am doing well and should be proud of myself. This painting is actually fairly large and is painted over something I did back in July.

A car dealer came over to our apartment to look at some art to buy, a fast talking and real slick looking guy. I had listed several paintings on the app “LetGo“. He wanted to buy 4 paintings but only left with 2 because the works I physically have of are mostly quite small with 2 exceptions. He hated this one, I hated it and I painted over it. It has a devil, and I don’t much like the devil.

I guess when my husband said it, it really clicked. When you have a lot of money, you have big walls and want big art. I immediately took it off the wall, onto my easel and went over it with paint. Several layers of paint.

We’re going to be staying in Boise as a family for another 6 months, and the plan is to move back to Tampa Bay in late September so we don’t have to spend another winter in Idaho. I am going to keep this momentum of constant art creation on a much larger scale that my usual while we’re still out here in Boise. Every day I hold this boy and he’s so beautiful and sleeps and I make time for art. I’m married to the best guy I’ve ever met and life it truly awesome.