London, United Kingdom for one week in January 2017. The Startup I have been working with for 2 years and 9 months got acquired and to celebrate, we took off to London. I met my colleagues for the first time and celebrated a truly incredible accomplishment that served as a testament to everyones hard work.
Hendersonville, North Carolina To visit my sweet mom and her partner Doug in a cottage placed in the woods. Tranquility and poor internet quality aplenty 🙂
San Diego, California To a first professional conference I go, and see some incredibly smart people share awesome ideas about marketing and sales that are defining the future of ad technology. #TrafficAndConversionsSummit2017
Driving Across the United States from Florida to Oregon One of the most beautiful and peaceful experiences of my life. Driving through the county. Stopping for a week to visit my father in Colorado, continuing the destination and building memories for better or for worse that will always be carried with me.
Driving to Seattle, WA to see D.J. Taylor In 2012, my older brother Dan moved all the way across the country to live in Seattle Washington and I’ve only seen him a handful of times since then. As soon as it was convenient, I drove my ass all the way up to Seattle to chill with him and immerse myself in his impressively nerdy and reclusive film fan writer lifestyle and spending time with his roommates and city.
And now I am back home in Eugene. New home, new coast, new adventure. Fresh flowers, new humans, big happiness all around.
But an automated life. A boring life. Every day, you go to bed. Stare blankly, turn right, long for cuddles from a cold shoulder. Stare blankly. Turn right.
Fall asleep, eventually. It’s not good quality sleep but you’ll take what you can get.
You just barely wake up every single stupid day and drag yourself to a computer.
With just minutes to spare, slack is open and its 9:01 am. Type away, consider problems and their solutions. For hours. You feel your body withering away while you earn your “bread” on your ass. Take a break.
Wash and brush your hair. Stretching in the morning. Touch your toes, regret it. This is 27. My head hurts because I’m really reaching here and my back hurts because my posture isn’t that great and my smile is probably grimy but I still smile every day at everyone.
Thinking about all of those years of my beautiful, sweet, interesting life. And I’m thinking about that wonderful trait I love about myself where I do whatever I want and I have not any fear.
I think it went away. It’s a muscle I stopped flexing. And I think that is okay too, because those whims don’t need tending to. There is a line, a path, trajectory that I can see now and it’s further away but I’m having fun deciding to carve at it, taking all of my time to invest in something truly sweet.
For now, I’ll keep getting by. Maybe I’m doing the bare minimum. Maybe I’m stressing myself out. It just depends on what day you’ve asked. There’s no structure here, only barely.
That’s what he said to me, the man with thin hair and the long black coat. I joked in my head that he must be going to the matrix that day. He turned back to me and said “It’s pen or perish.” and I asked what, completely taken aback by his comment. He repeated to me, “It’s pen or perish. Never forget that.” and just kept walking in the opposite direction.
I cannot stop thinking about it, and granted its only been two hours I decided I don’t want to forget about it (maybe it’s important?) so I’ll write it down. After I walked in my direction another half a block, I was stopped by an older traveling woman with a backpack asking if I’d be willing to purchase some legal marijuana at a shop in downtown Eugene, OR. I obliged and kept thinking in my head about what the matrix man said to me.
That’s just today. This month is trying me. I’m 28. Officially. I’m sitting in my room listening to The Apples. So much for joining the famous 27 club. Here I am. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure on modern day women to get married off and procreate by now but I don’t really feel it, I just feel the ghost of a press into my mind’s flesh that should but isn’t there. People around me are flirting with me everywhere and I decided I don’t understand how to handle it despite how much biological sense it makes. It’s annoying and I wish it would stop and every part of me feels rude and problematic for feeling that way about it but the intensity has never been like this before. The pheromones I am emitting are telling a story my mouth and mind never will.
I feel confused about my place in the world and I miss making art more than anything. I find myself often driving long hours just to stop at a coastal town for a coffee and turn around headed back home. As I often do. Is this what life is supposed to feel like, you are cheating on your soul just to survive? Am I just doing this all wrong?
I managed to keep some artwork happening in the last few months since I’ve arrived in Oregon. The new scenery is helping pull something from my guts. Scribbles. Paint. Making a mess. I hope I can wake up and do this every day, one day. If I’m not just going to drop dead at an early age I might as well start living for me instead of just living to survive and benefit someone else. I keep getting tired every day and telling myself excuses and being average and its making my bones shrivel up and my eyes feel dry and my throat feel like a leather wallet. I want to be a lush forest.
I never knew that Portland was the city of roses until I got here. The sweet aroma swallowed me as I walked through the Northeast Portland neighborhoods. My partner and I were headed toward one of the many available coffee shops.
After driving over 3,000 miles to get here, I was excited. So ready to leave the negative religious right pro-confederacy attitudes behind me in the south. I had no idea that the first day I got to Portland that something horrible would happen.
Something that would affirm my understanding that white supremacy and related violence is not just something that happens in the south.
Walked no less then 10 miles in New Orleans today …phone died by noon. Acquired coffee with a voodoo priestess, purchased lucky chicken foot, blew kisses to the dirty kids in the french quarter. Walked around exploring, eventually I find some broken guitars, and end up in the bad side of town.
Sat on a stoop and made a conversation happen with a deaf guy who had a thug life tattoo..walked around with a guardian angel named Ronnie.
I carried two plates of shelter dinner walking with him, trying to find a phone charger. Then, I gave up and traded $7 and a 25 oz Hurricane for a him to wait with me at a bus stop. Made way back to business district. Could not find where I parked, kind of panicked a little, just walked around in circles until I found the coop in some hole-in-the-wall parking lot that I probably walked past 3 times.
I then left, stayed in a dive hotel, woke up and headed back on the interstate.
I drove through Texas, through a small part of New Mexico and all the way to Colorado City, Colorado. This is where I stayed for a week with my dad and saw his latin fusion band, Sonrisa, play live a few times.
After that, I picked up a passenger / good friend from Colorado Springs and we left for Oregon after a fun night in Denver at my dads show.
When we got here, to Portland on May 23rd. Friday afternoon marked the beginning of Ramadan and I was planning to fast myself for unrelated stomach flu reasons.
We had fun. Delicious foods and bus riding and exploring the city. I didn’t read about it until the next day, on Saturday, that 3 men had been stabbed.
Three white men on a train in Portland for defending some dark skinned teenage girls from a terrorist.
I cannot stop thinking about it. How proud I am to be a human along side of them, of how protective they were in the face of evil. I want this heroism to be normalized. To become a standard.
I must nod to the sacrifice these men made and hope that more men after them will stand up for the rights and comforts of all humans. Rest in peace, Gentlemen. Thank you for everything.
The train loves you, too.
Portland, Oregon is 3,051 miles away from my current location in Florida. That is equivalent to 46 hours of driving. When I wake up on Wednesday morning, I’ll be sure to apologize to my car for the mileage and extra luggage. My journey to the West coast will finally begin.
As cliche as it sounds, I am going to try to finding myself out there. It feels like I’ve spent so many nights grasping at some white lights which have remained just out of my reach. I can only hope I am getting closer.
I’m so ready. I said all the goodbyes I have energy for. I finally got the passion flower inked into my arm forever. Fulfilling a promise to my sister from 5 1/2 years ago.
The passion flowers in Moon Lake are blooming the day I am scheduled to go over there and pick her my sister. We would be headed to Modern Moose studios on 54.
They were breathtaking. I went outside to capture photos of them while Allie got ready to go.
On the ride there, should told me how hard this week has been. She spoke about how Ezekial loves to smile, and how he has a few less tubes in his face.
I’m happy for him, we’re going to grab a small bite to each before spending 6 hours at the tattoo shop getting some memories represented on our bodies somewhere for the rest of our lives.
I loved the pain, unsurprisingly. I’m not sure I’d ever get another one, as I never saw myself the “tattoo” type of person. Already, the conversations the tattoo helps initiate with other humans is noticeable and endearing. Three more days, and I’m gone. Me and my mini cooper and a lot of stuff and memories, driving for 46 hours. Maybe even, probably, even longer.
It’s 27 minutes until clock in time and my black coffee gets colder by the minute. By every bassline strum by the velvet underground I am preparing for 8 hours of troubleshooting, typing, comparing data and answering questions.
None of my images have synced up into my google cloud since January. I don’t have anything I could update you with, there’s too many repercussions included in admitting the truth. I had fun once but it wasn’t legal so I couldn’t even tell you about it if I wanted to.
I am driving to Colorado soon, just me and my stuff and my car. Make a few stops along the way, find some humans to smile with, and see my big blues guitar strumming bad joke telling retired career criminal daddy with those blue eyes.
Saturday, February 25th 2017. I’m in a bright room in Tarpon Springs. I clicked to quit photoshop and opted out of saving my work, for the fifth time today.
There’s four cats here, four humans and lots of love and appreciation, it’s very nice to have when the reality of the world maintains awfulness. This week, there was a mosque in Tampa that was burnt down and ruled arson. I feel very uncomfortable about the future of the United States and no matter how beautiful it is outside I cannot let go of that discomfort.
Every morning, drinking water and then coffee and reading the news. Going for a walk. Digesting it all, barefoot in the grass. Circling around all of the facts, and all of the alternative facts… I wonder, what will we do?
At around 7:45am every morning, I go outside to sit in my garden. I’m growing flowers, tropical plants and succulents in the ground. It brings me peace watching them over a cup of coffee or tea while the sun emerges from the damp Florida skies.
This is my favorite part of each day.
Some mornings, I will water my gardens in the traditionally inefficient way of using a watering can. Sometimes I’ll catch the glimpse of a turtle or deer.
In the morning, there are occasionally morning glory blooms. They appear in blues and pink, and show themselves for a few hours before they crumble away as the sun begins to shine.
In the evening, we have the elegant flowers I love to refer to as unicorn flowers, as they look just like a unicorn horn before they bloom.
There are 3 pink rose bushes, a philodendrum, Florida cactus tree, marigolds, rosemary, elephant ears, fern, Hawaiian tuberose, basil, and many more plants growing in my beautiful yard. Every day I will sit with them and think of them. Immerse myself in their floral energy.
The parallels between growing plants and businesses have always been evident to me. You cannot grow something if it is not planted in the right environment and has all of the needs of a plant of it’s type.
They are so fickle and yet, when you know how to care for them, they can prosper. Seeds plant more seeds, just like customers plant more customers.
When the coffee is all gone and beauty of growth observed, I go back inside and grow something completely different.
With the year 2017 here, it is more important than ever to continue to foster this nurturing relationship with plants while society exists more and more on the internet in an open and connected way.
Coming to a close. A swift one. A painful one. We all know how bad it stings, everything that contained itself in this year. A presidency in the United States I have been praying would not come to fruition. A lot of emotional challenges and strength reservoirs needing to be tapped that I could not have known even existed. My art is few and far between, and yet my mind is ever expanding. The feeling is dizzying, but I hope to continue providing updates.
I am going to leave the sub tropical regions of Florida and travel broadly across the globe. I hope to meet some beautiful people out there in the world. I hope to touch cheeks and hearts.
2017 will be a time for great changes in the world and I believe in the good in the world and it’s ability to overcome anything.
I am going to open up a shop section here soon to make available a lot of interesting dolls and other neat toys, for the need of a more travel friendly lifestyle.
A new addition to my antique doll collection (left) and my cabinet to date (right)!
With my first conference and trip to California planned, and a lot more involvement in user interface design and advertising methods I hope to get a little more experimental and offer more products to you here. Very special and beautiful and specific things that I know you will love!
Some of the stuff to look out for:
There will even be some local stuff for my fellow Central Floridians on plants and garden design / maintenance! 😀 ( more on that in 2017!)
For now, check out a painting for 2016 and lets all frown together one last time: