Tie-dye adventures / Boise’s only wet month

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

The skies are gray but in my eyes I see only tie-dye. A kaleidoscope of colors twisting into each other. It’s a what I’ve been occupying my time while while Boise spends a few days getting wet outside.

I heard thunder for the first time in two years. It was a magical gift from Boise after so many months of consecutive debilitating dryness.

The rainy weather has me feeling creative and it’s been bringing with it new flowers and greener grass.

I’ve been trying to set up a photoshoot with a Boise local photographer named Chad Estes but it hasn’t lined up with the chaotic schedule of my little one. Hopefully this week that can finally flesh out.

Recently, the baby boy and I went on an adventure up the mountains surrounding Boise. They were muddy as hell because of the weather so far. You know what they say, April showers bring May flowers. Here this rings especially true. We were listening to Hank Williams sing songs about God and despair and looked at how small everything was in proper context. In reality, he stayed in the car and I contemplated towards him in my mind. It was nice anyways.

Shane and I did tie dying and my dress turned out beautiful. I’m considering all kinds of new patterns and scenes of the universe I can easily create with fabric dye and anticipate a budding new hobby. After thinking about some new techniques, I am super excited to get more dye! I just need to try using a black t-shirt + bleach solution and I can hopefully create some celestial designs.

I had a tie-dye baby blanket as a little girl and so I dyed a blanked for my little one as well. It warms me to my core seeing him clutching it in his sleep.

Some Art that I have loved for 10 years+

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

Art helps you thrive. I can remember being a young teenager and falling deeply down a rabbit hole of truly wild art. Think Japanese Guro, a sub unit of manga that features extreme gore. I remember Shintaro Kago, one of my favorite artists to this day. Trevor Brown, of course. I have both of their art hanging up in my apartment. I also have works by the lovely Junko Mizuno, mostly gig flyers for some bands I love like the Melvins and Swans. Hikari Shimoda also graces my walls, I am so in love with the style.

For decades. This is a throwback to those that have inspired me the most through the years. Thank you <3

Shintaro Kago: The Guro Artist

Trevor Brown

Junko Mizuno

Hikari Shimoda

They all have such a unique style that explores innocence and childhood in ways that have resonated with me throughout the years. I hope you take the time to dive further into their bodies of work. If you’ve been struggling to find new art to help you replenish your soul, digging into the internet to find some comfort could be just what you need. It works for me every time, anyways.

I always loved them. There’s a few more, such as:

  • Francesca Woodman
  • Francis Bacon
  • Mari Chan
  • Toshio Saeki
  • Tama
  • Takato Yamamoto

Explore them, and you just might find something new and interesting that brings you a renewed appreciate for life. It’s hard to find for me lately outside of creating my own art, when my mind and body feel stagnant and tired and the world around me is spinning on it’s left nut.

Wish me luck, internet, this week I am trying really hard to thrive. The universe might not want me to, but I am trying anyways and I know my favorite artists are here to help me.

What was once a background is now another painting of faces

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I always get started with a new painting knowing that I don’t just want another painting of faces.

They always end up dominating my art. And here were are again, with a canvas full of faces. I just wanted to share a quick update as to where I’m at with making art this weekend. I did it! 😀

I’m not entirely done yet, of course and so these haven’t been added these to the art gallery section. When I said I’m going to focus on posting more, I meant it! Even if my blog posts are quite swift and to the point, as in just some work in progress shots.

It’s important to at least hold myself accountable. I hope you can hold me accountable too, and post angry comments if you don’t hear from me in a while.

I am feeling satisfied with the progress so far, but looking forward to moar pink >:D

I’ve decided to start writing newsletters once and a while. I created a list but never sent anything since 2015. If you’re interested, please sign up!

Mothers on social media, and how the internet has changed family dynamics

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, technology, writing

This is something I’ve been thinking/reading about lately. Mostly reactions to this article about a freshly minted 14 year old on social media who was shocked about the content posted about her by family without her knowledge.

We have a generation of babies right now that will likely emerge as adults in a world with internet.

Babies with videos and images of themselves being assaulted by cheese, learning how to speak and walk. Babies growing up, throwing tantrums and asking questions all documented- sometimes in its entirety- on the internet.

I feel the compulsion interesting and understandable. It has only become very recently that families were able to do more than simply pull photos out from your wallet or purse. Now that we are able to share online, we will overshare. This leaves each person vulnerable. Imagine what this data is doing for machine learning.

We are watching the first generation of people with internet raising their children.

Right now, teenagers exist in the United States that have been entirely denied a private childhood, and I think that’s a problem.

Blogging around your children robs them of something that was afforded to you: the right to have some of their most intimate and vulnerable moments as humans exposed to the internet without consent.

I don’t think that posting a photo is a bad thing, but the volumes of data provided to huge platforms as Facebook and similar is a very scary thought. I would imagine the learning would become so successful that predictions can be made on virtually anything about a person if for example Facebook had data on them from birth to adulthood.

While it would be best to not post photos at all on the internet, I already posted my son’s newborn photo on this website. I’m excited for him to be a part of the rest of my life, and I don’t regret it. I am making a promise to him and to myself that it would be the last one. It’s hard, because he is extremely beautiful to me but this feels like the right way to go.

When he is able to understand what the internet is and tells me he wants to explore it, then we can catch back up. So far, there’s a lot of evidence to back up claims that too much internet access can cause or exacerbate depression.

I want to keep him informed about the opportunities that the internet can provide, as well as the dangers of it.

I want to teach him how to use the internet effectively.

This will be an interesting conversation as his father is not an “internet” person outside of youtube. I work online in the social media and advertising space. We both have vastly different and useful opinions on the internet to share. We also agree that the more time he spends in nature, the better off if will be.

I don’t make art enough these days to update the gallery, but I’m thinking about it. Life is tiring right now because little one is nearly 4 months old. I’ll draft something next weekend.

I hope you’ve noticed the work uploading more art on to this web page. I have a huge variety of work from photography to illustrations with pen to large scale mixed media/ acrylic paintings.

They span over a decade at least, so I’ve been entertaining the idea of respecting myself as an artist.

Not just as a slug of a woman.

With love,

It’s too easy…

photos, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

To drink cup after cup of tea. Especially when its cold out, when I’m listening to this song. When it heats up outside, I will take slices of mango and freeze them in the ice cube tray and put them in my cups of tea to cool them down.

Drinking tea has always been something I loved. At age 12, I wrote about the ceremonies in Japan and the different types of tea and meanings of each. I don’t remember if it was accurate information.

Way back then, I used a website for children that was intended to connect them with similar aged kids to become penpals from all around the world. I wrote back and forth to a girl named Laura who lived in New Zealand and always talked about how pretty it was until one day she stopped writing back.

I had some penpals from Japan for a short period of time as well. Despite never learning to speak fluent Japanese, I loved discovering more Japanese art online and writing more than anything else.

I loved the internet, and thought it was incredible.

That I happened to exist at a time where I could just find a person in New Zealand . That this person would want to talk to me on aim or through letters that traveled thousands of miles to get to them.

I hope my son will take on a penpal when he’s that age.

It’s almost Spring times. I call it spring, despite the snow on the mountains. Boise is getting warmer, my legs are walking longer and the sun is bright more often than not.

I was playing with light while the boys were asleep. Putting dishes in the dishwasher, opening the blinds. I’m still doing good. The plan is to do some art this weekend, and some writing, and more google analytics lessons. Pray for the world and feel grateful for life.

Experimenting with light / my face

Sitting and clinging to my artistic identity

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog
My latest artwork, at 4 different stages of growth. Taken over the course of 48 hours.

Time looks so different for everyone. I’ve noticed lately that it looks like sitting for me.

Sitting on a couch, and then a recliner, and then in bed. My bambino in my arms everywhere. Sitting on my ass, like a modern day human.

I know how bad sitting is for human beings and I think about it a lot, while I’m sitting down. This is just how life is in 2019. Everyone everywhere: sitting down.

I’ve allowed my mind to go to the wind. When I know there’s so much to do, but I want nothing more than to rest and stare at my baby.

I want to talk to him, hold him and let my eyes glaze over. To become a slave to his growth and well being.

It’s a very strange and intense feeling and I’ve bent to force myself into self care and making art and doing the bare minimum mentally.

I’m just focusing on rest and rejuvenation.

I want this year to be bursting. I ‘m now married, committed to my family as they are permanent fixtures in my life.

A life I never felt had permanent fixtures. It’s a good feeling knowing every day I will have them. It’s a huge responsibility and a huge comfort.

I feel swollen with desire to be a better person now.

Feeling like I’m in the calm before a storm of growth.

Thinking to myself, “This is a great time for a nap”. In one week, when my maternity leave is over I will return to my computer. Feeling reenergized.

Instead of sitting, I will be walking. I will be breathing and maybe driving or hiking or laying in the sun. It up straight, type with good posture, drink my water, clear my throat on mute, read books at night again, and I am going to thrive.

On weekends, I will be painting and spending time with my family.

I’m ready for life. Ready for my new normal life.

Plastic Dolls from 1967

quick snapshots as a busy no longer pregnant/ artist

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

My pregnant mind. A perfect pile on the counter left there intentionally. Plastic doll, some lace, some, ideas floating around. It serves as a gift, a little reminder. Of all the small, beautiful things that have been and that are to come.

My maternity leave is almost over. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were extremely draining of my mind and energy. Then, I gave birth and have been getting to know that tiny person I grew. I still have a lot of “meeting” to do, and that’s fascinating of itself. He’s ever evolving for the entire rest of my life.

I don’t know how I’ll manage having to direct my attention to work and away from him. Coming to terms with my privilege to be able to spend so much time with baby while on my leave. Since November 30th without stressing out about bills and finances.

I feel extremely sad that many mothers don’t get to have any time with their little babies without feeling the financial burdens of taking that time off without pay.

This event feels so life changing, I don’t truly even feel like the same person anymore and cannot relate to who I was 3 months ago.

Before the gravity of my permanent exhaustion settles in.

I’m going to do it anyway, I’ll report back to you soon to let you know how it goes. The way the situation is unraveling, he will have a lot of time to bond with his father. That’s a beautiful thing to me. They look a lot alike. I don’t know if the baby eyes will always be this blue, but watching them blend together with the passing of time will be something of a treat for me to see.

When I look back at my older artwork, my thoughts and personality I no longer identify with. Early to mid twenties, unhinged, creative and perverted. I’ve evolved. I’ve become more dynamic.

I’m a mother now, a parent, a wife. I have other duties that will define me, I’m not just an artist. How I am going to reflect these changes artistically, I still don’t know. I’m quite curious to find out. My uterus isn’t pregnant anymore but my mind feels like it will always be. Bursting will renewed life over and over again until I

To check out the latest art, check out the new “Mothers Milk” gallery.

Making art but only in between Nourishment & Pleasure

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I have been trying to make art every weekend. It is not so easy. Staying up late, waking up early and being 100% focused on the safety and comfort of a brand new person is exhausting stuff, not to my surprise.

My body does not make art, it is merely a vessel to provide nourishment and pleasure.

The little bambino is so beautiful. Perfect, handsome and healthy. All of my energy is focused on being there for the baby. I am so tired. Turning 30 in 2019 and I feel it. New art has been added to the gallery. Acrylic paintings are all for sale,  so please contact me with interest!

Paypal accepted.

I read things that make me cry

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

After all these years, I still don’t know why I cry so often. So deliberately. I’ll sit around and read all day.

I’ll read things that make me cry because they are so beautiful.

And I will read things that make me so angry that I give myself a headache.

None of these things are contributing to my future, just my right now. They are emotion drivers, and I don’t know why I’m addicted to emotions.

BH080-1080x717.jpg

Like this photograph by Barbara Hammer pulled from an article on Hyperallergic. 

But that’s the power of the internet, isn’t it? So much content to absorb, it’s so easy to get sucked into things that are constantly manipulating the way that you feel. I loved all of Barbara Hammer’s photography and wonder what it would have been like the year I was born- 1989. As a woman. The way women have existed for the last few decades, and the centuries before that. I am grateful to exist right now where I have an open platform to address any concerns I have about the ways I have been unfairly treated. This platform, and your ability to get your words and feelings into at least a few eyes through clever use and placement of keywords and organization of your content.

Here’s to me, publishing a draft first typed 2 months ago. Say hi to your mom for me.

The whirring stops at half past three

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, technology

The whirring of course is my laptop, and it will stop because I’m turning it off. Closing it all down and stopping work at 62% of full-time employment.

I tried to compile all of the reasons why I wanted to do this in a neat little list, but it was all over the place.  After embracing my failures I decided on another episode of my special brand of word-puke because I’m feeling moody. The whirring is back but this time it’s on my terms.

I don’t respect Facebook, and I believe that all of it’s ad tech is dangerous and exists in a world unprepared for it. No matter what Mark Zuckerberg’s intentions are with that platform, it’s  still a point I cannot seem to ignore. 🙁

It could be used for good, the potential is so clearly THERE but he’s missing the point. Transparency is what we need. I’ve asked a few of my friends this question:

Would you trust ads more if you know why and how they targeted you?

Most of them said yes. This didn’t surprise me at all. I only asked 7 people so the isn’t statistically significant at all but I feel it would stand scaled as well. Advertising is mysterious, and it’s an extremely powerful force in the digital age. People need to know how it is decided what content is in that stream that they are always stuck in.

Mobile phone addiction this year and in the foreseeable future is going to become more and more of a problem.

Already, Facebook reports 56% of store purchases are influenced by digital interactions and 66% of those interactions are happening on mobile. We have our heads stuck in the screen and the trend is only growing, even for our children (alarmingly, pls don’t buy your kids phones ty).

I’ve got all of this extra time now, and what am I going to do with it? Patiently wait for the weather to get better. Frustrating, pace around the kitchen and into each room. Just wait around for a new tenant to take over my apartment. To move all my belongings out of Eugene, then somewhere else. And to figure out whats next because I accept that I love not knowing.

Going to enjoy some soft lung bullshit on youtube and appreciate the ideas of all the digital and analogous people I’ve met so far.

Drank 2 gallons of orange juice this week, it’s helping with the depression. I recommend you try it, too. I’m going to stop the whirring again, close this laptop at this cute cafe and try just breathing instead.