This is our Artistic Process. I love this girl.
I’ve got some sketchbook drawings before I succumb to the weekend and make new art. If you’re following me on twitter then you will already know about my recent art baptism the other night. Anything in the gallery that you may find pleasant and want to purchase is now unavailable and I am debating creating a new gallery page for artwork that is created from this point on. (thoughts?) I was going through old sketchbooks because I want to throw out my old sketchbooks (I have a lot of them) and I need to really consolidate all of the neat things I collect. Antique jars, hello kitty stuffed animals, portfolios full of graphic designs for fancy corporations and also avant-garde paintings done with the delicacy and detail and nightmarish aesthetic could only dream of. Drawings made by me. I want to force myself to draw things that are happier. I’m hoping it’s going to inspire me to be a happier and less mean person. I don’t want to paint or draw broken people anymore. In an impassioned post recently I wrote so eloquently,
“someone on the bus this morning choked on an ice-cube and his dentures fell into his lap and I’ve been so sad and uncomfortable all day ever since. He was sitting next to me and he was so old and dejected and sad and his breath smelled like chemicals. I always have painted broken people, amputees, bruised and injured, because that’s always how I feel. Ten years later and I am still an amputee on the inside.” (11-10-14)
and I’ve made the first steps towards being happier and more pleasant. To growing my arms and legs back and being complete for once. I can grow limbs if I try hard enough. I know I can.
that I’ll be playing with for the rest of my life
“This has been so many things, though.”, I explained to my friend as he came by and conveniently took away some paintings of mine that have been giving me a weird glare and need to leave where I sleep at night. I’ve surrendered. I locked myself out of my house accidentally again, for the second time since my roommates left for California and am so glad he was there to let me back in and take my art and swiftly leave me in the comfort of my vanilla tea and boondocks reruns on netflix. I hardly ever watch tv anymore. I was explaining the process on this painting, but I didn’t get as in depth as I could have. This is a really big canvas compared to most of my work. The canvas itself was a birthday gift from a tall, handsome man with anger issues and an interesting last name. He’s got entitlement problems just like every other guy I decide I don’t want to be with. Originally, it was a woman, naked, bent over, hardly visible/audible and tossed in the rain. I painted her over and over and over again, deciding it best fit to just never let her be complete in that way I usually do not let things finish. My art and emotions dance with each other pretty regularly so it was an easy choice to make. I decided would paint and keep painting forever, taking photos along the way of every iteration of a painting that it exists in. So far she has erupted into a forest of color and boredom and mythology. Who knows where next my imagination decides to travel to but you trust me it will end up here along with the layers and layers of everything I have ever felt.
A few weeks later and a few more things later and here I am again, loudly playing my weird music and writhing with the comfort of hot soup resting in the pit of my belly. The situation with my friend Ed who lost his car is better if not fixed entirely! His car has been fixed, the nose of the vehicle having been completely replaced so his black car has an albino nose that glitters in the sunlight- and he has gotten himself not just one job but two! Achievement unlocked: stability. For now we are eating fish and chicken every night and being grateful for each other. I made a mistake in my own personal mental homeostasis has been compromised by actual love and I just keep kissing dogs and boys and painting. I received an email the assistant curator of ICA Publishing to submit my artwork to be published in the most recent publication that they do and I am happy and excited about that opportunity! Likewise, a very good friend of mine living in Orlando may have found me a perfect live-in position which would remove e from New Port Richey for a few months anyways , so I can become a recluse and convince myself love is very very bad for me again. I’m excited and nervous. On an entirely different note, my fathers music career is finally budding and I am going to be making a series of art work to promote his music and the legalization of marijuana! Its something everyone in my entire family has been passionate about for years and its about time I committed some of my own art to promote that cause. For the past few days I have been thinking about the concept of set theory and tinkering in thoughts of numbers on my own suggestion for the first time in years and I enjoy it. I am trying to use that side of my brain more. Trying to train myself into mental equality/ morphing. I am still making art every day. I post more or less everything on my instagram. I am being happy. I am going to transition so smoothly into working full time again and live alone and get a kitten and maybe a bigger harddrive and university classes again like a perfectly normal, well adjusted and goal oriented twenty-something that I should be by now. au voir.