Staring contest (with the woman from my canvas)

art, art, photos

My woman is staring back at me with golden specks in her brown eyes. My woman, of course, is the painting I’ve been working on today. It is something old and ugly, and maybe, I thought, I can make her beautiful today. So I gave her specks of gold and a few more defined strands of green hair and a better environment and then, I drank a cup of reheated coffee. 

We’re poor now, so I guess I should embrace doing something out of character like drink a reheated cup of coffee.  It’s not very good. The coffee is too strong this morning, and something about a reheated coffee is just intrinsically gross. 

I don’t think I even love to paint anymore, but I do it anyway out of a distrust of any other mediums I would otherwise be interested in exploring. What if I started sculpting? Embraced sewing and fashion? Who cares. I have all this paint, I might as well paint over the same stuff several different times until they are as perfect as something I create with my hands could possibly be.

The graffiti in surrounding London is quite lovely. I’ve always had a taste for it. And then, there’s the graffiti I’ve never seen in person. The pieces in Germany and Spain and the Netherlands.  South America. The “rakugaki” or grafitti of Japan, and graffiti in other Asian countries. I have worked on my art inspired heavily by graffiti and art from great manga makers of the 80s and 90s. 

Source: IDK (Help me?)

I gave up on the coffee a while ago. Some things are just not worth sacrificing. It’s a fine time for tea anyways. And so I go about, staring at my woman and she stares right back at me. I’ve got to keep working on her. Refining every strand of hair and every curve of her body until she’s as perfect as possible and I am exhausted and content. 

The winter is flirting with me and I am not ready for her.

Boise, Idaho, writing

Not enough pants that I can layer, not enough money to pay heat bills, not enough boots or hot cocoa or fuzzy socks. But we’re getting there! A few weeks back, Boise suffered from the earliest freeze in 30 years and a few of my porch plants died. Oh well! I did manage to rescue a few after giving them a thorough haircut but some new growth is still there. And so we start again.

How did the pioneers survive out in these lands with no electricity or accommodations outside of their wood cabins and determination? Absolutely inspiring to think how far we humans have come and especially how rapidly we have changed since the industrial revolution.

It’s November, so that means that little one is turning one year old at the end of the month! Exciting times every day and I am happy I still have time to write & paint & pursue other hobbies with him. At the dollar store, I bought 2 bags of 25 colorful balloons to fill up his playpen for the next 4 weeks so we can have a super fun November! I know at least I love that balloons, and maybe the cat does too sometimes.

I got my hands dirty with some paint this week, working on something from both last week and last summer! It’s a vaguely woman shaped figure with celestial matter spilling out her her guts, standing next to a yellow bird.

The womanly figure’s face must be left intentionally blank, because it’s heavily textured as it glows in the dark. The yellow bird got some more coats of yellow, and some skin tones were improved. I painted some lightning and some stars, more DNA strands and curves a holy light emerging from behind the earth. As per usual, not sure where I was going with this, nor where it is headed, i’m just loving the process!

More on this soon! I hope to have some more time painting this weekend 🙂 Until next time!

Break open the dam and art comes rushing out

art, art

That is what adopting the stay-at-home-mom lifestyle has felt like so far. I get to spend time expressing myself and expressing everything and teaching the babe. His face is learning to react to my own face and he is watching me make art after lunch and we hang out all the time.

The latest piece I have been working on was originally just me trying to practice hands. I don’t paint them enough. There’s a lot of subjects I don’t touch with my paintbrush (or with a ten foot pole.) It quickly turned into my usual scenery, there is a woman with long blue hair. The view is of her back, she’s looking at something. Forward.

I suppose the art world requires artwork being titled. I have yet to catch on to these requirements with my painting so this work is yet untitled. Her skin is dark, it’s orange, it almost looks bruised. And then. leaves start swirling around her. There are trees that start to form, swallowing her up. It’s quite windy, I can feel the breeze and the goosebumps that sweep over her body on my own skin.

In the top right corner, I can start to see that the nude woman is looking at herself in the distance. The same long, flowing blue hair following the whims of the wind. The forests of which they meet are swirled with colors, feelings, moods. There is a muddy rainbow and mushrooms on the forest floor.

The woman’s spine is showing. She looks to herself in the distance. This piece will be updated in my art gallery when it is done.

Until Next Time! ~Camille
Until Next Time! ~Camille

In high school, I wrote a science fiction story about brand-cities

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I predicted these brand-cities to be big names. The Amazon’s, Coca Colas, and Microsofts of the world. Each city represented the headquarters of a very large brand. The city infrastructure built around the corporate presence.

The economy stirred exclusively by the corporation and it’s workers. The story felt like a far fetched fantasy at the time of writing. The words reflected an exasperated beyond what reality would ever support.

If I really think about it, what about Seattle? Home of Starbucks, Amazon and Microsoft. Although it hasn’t been renamed yet, the presence of big business in Seattle is hard to ignore.

What if my high school literary fantasy becomes a reality after all? The progress and health of every city, sponsored by your favorite brand! Can you imagine? Green energy and reforestation, sponsored by Apple, inc.

I hope that never happens, of course.

Not to the extent of my 16 year old’s imagination. But what if it did, how would that impact the world? Is it really that much of a change from the kind of society we currently exist in?

Sometimes I am sure I am just being melodramatic but so much of me things our current world is more dystopian than we give it credit for. In the blink of an eye, we’ll be various technology baked acropolis’. Connected constantly, our lives will look much different. But not too much different.

A brief sum of the season

Boise, Idaho, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog, writing

Our son is almost one year old. He is happy, grumpy, and gets what he wants. It’s like dealing with a very small, primal version of my husband, of whom has attitude and grump in abundance.

Boise has been good to us this year. My mother came into town for 4 days in October and we drove up to Cascade, Idaho where the snow was kissing the ground and there were colorful trees littered all along 55.

I am anticipating a long, rough winter. I hope it’s our last. I’ve been painting with watercolors, and doing some vector art with Illustrator this week for a friend! I am excited to be able to flex my artistic muscles some more while we adjust to our new normal household situation.

As a side note, while my coffee gets cold: I’ve decided I would love to design and make a toy.

2019 Friendship Gathering in Utah and Idaho

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I used to think that the Floridian landscapes were easy to imagine dinosaurs inside of. Then I moved to Idaho and this landscape perfectly encapsulated landscapes my mind made up that would along with such enormous creatures as those roaming the earth millions of years ago. And so, with my best friends Evelyn and Holly I went exploring in these giant landscapes.

We felt small together, traveling through the mountains, and then through the night.

I love the kind of trips that don’t really have a specific destination in mind. It’s just seeing, finding a spot to stop and sleep. Waking up and seeing some more and then, we head back. The day after Evelyn and Holly arrived in Boise, we got our rental car and off we went!

On the way to Logan, Utah we stopped at viewing areas in Twin Falls, Idaho and

We aren’t too far from the Yellowstone national park. The Utah/ Idaho border at the southeast called Bear Lake is beautiful, mostly green with small hints of yellow in the foliage surrounded by mountains, red rock, and small streams and rivers. We took the stop at the viewing area at Bear Lake to explore and photograph.

This is Earth. Some of it is mountainous and does so well at making you feel like the smallest little part. Other parts are oceans, plains, deserts, high rock walls and each with a complimentary group of creatures roaming about and surviving. It’s incredible and we are just breathing it in.

When we got back to Boise, there was not a lot of time to spend together so we took turns working on a large canvas and were sure to take some silly family portraits!

My sweet friends, sister, son. Until we all meet again, I love you!

It’s October …

Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

and here I am, on the couch with my laptop and a cup of good old southern sweet tea on the table. It’s the only time I can spare to catch up with writing. I have so much exciting news to share! After deciding working from home would not work with a little one, and trying to jump back into the office life for a few months my husband and I decided to just live on one income until our son is 3 years old. Motherhood requires patience and persistence that I have more of than he, so his stay at home dad arrangement would not work as well.

I thought about our baby boy often at work. The office itself was a different set of concerns, stress and daily headaches that stopped feeling worthwhile eventually. Following my heart always came so easily to me. Now, I get to wake up early and kiss my boy all over his forehead and exhaustedly ensure the apartment is clean and the boy is loved, entertained, fed and happy.

Science says that children are developing their personalities the most in their first 3 years of life, and there are others that believe that mothers specifically are needed for nurturing emotional intelligence in these first few years. For that reason, I decided to take a break from work. I am prioritizing motherhood and there’s nothing wrong with it. I have a lot of anxious cutting the household budget so significantly but the long term benefits more than outweigh the cons.

I am trying to paint more and playing games and having fun and supporting my boy and my man. I am playing the world’s idea of a woman’s role with my life. All these twists and turns and things I never thought would happen. Right over my head. This kid, he will be 2060. He will be 2100. He is beyond me and worth everything. Exciting stuff!

My two best friends came back to Boise last month for our annual meet-up! This time, we drove southeast towards Utah and tried hunting for the fallest vibes, unfortunately or fortunately just a week too early!

It was beautiful and fun. I hope that next year we can go to a national park and i can bring the rest of the family and have baby enjoy the scenery as much as I did. That’s a separate topic, scheduled for later this week. Right now, I have a blessing to attend to. Love and light!

Early Humans in Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, traveling, writing

I was recently reading an article about the oldest signs of life on the North American continent were found in Eastern Idaho over this past week. The artifacts found date human life here back about 16,000 years earlier than we previously had evidence of.

It was an interesting read, and I am blessed to be a short drive away from the areas mentioned in the article.

My sister has been staying with us for 2 weeks now, and by gods grace decided to do us a huge favor as a family unit and stay here to provide extra care for Axle while Shane goes through welding school for the next 9 months. I have been spending my weekends and spare time taking her around to see some of my favorite spots, and as a lover of photography and documentation, she took some beautiful photos.

We drove to Twin Falls and to the Malad Gorge and through the Boise foothills and up towards Idaho City so far. We saw Boise looking small from the top of Table Rock and drove until the sun set into the mountains on multiple evenings. It’s a type of natural beauty that is completely different from the kind that you will find in Florida where we are from and where she has been living for the last few years.

It still feels like an area one might expect to see early humans. Dinosaurs, even. The landscapes are sculpted by god and everything makes you feel small and reminds you that one slip of the foot can be fatal. The gorges, plateaus, valleys and mountains emerge violently through the earth and demand to be respected.

I cannot wait for every other moment I will have with him. There’s so much beauty on this planet that it will take a lifetime to see it all. I am blessed with the ability to start showing you these beautiful things now, when you are so small. The world cant make you feel any smaller. I wonder what it could possibly be like to be 9 months old. To have no clue. I wonder why no one I know remembers being 9 months old. I wonder what your mind is like when it’s not even fully formed.

These first two years, they are everything to me and I am trying my best to craft a people person, a gift for the next 100 years. A gift for the rest of the universe. A kind soul. And I am starting out here in Idaho, the valley of life for North America. An under-appreciated, quiet state with the most intimidating earths I’ve stepped foot on. It’s intensely beautiful.

It’s September 1st.

Building a life out here in Boise, Idaho

Boise, Idaho, motherhood, photography, photos, Posts tagged as "artists" from the blog

I wanted to share some photos from my life over the last few months. I wanted to share the cute smirk and look on my son’s little baby face. We’ve gone on a lot of adventures together, make some art, taken many walks, laughed together, switched baby watching time so we could get breaks every day, and built a lot of memories. I started growing plants on the porch again, and even have some house plants!

I still take photos of all of the dead birds in the summer, and drive for a long time to see the huge mountains surrounding the valley. My husband and son are the sweetest people in the world. I am adapting to a role with a new company that is growing and has a lot of potential and great things happening.

I feel like every week the average temperature is dropping 2 degrees and its so exciting. That is one thing I do love about Boise, the seasons break up the year. It’s not as consistent every day, but it’s a nice thing to experience a white winter, a colorful fall and everything in between.

My best friends are coming this fall and we’re going to see the fall leaves in Logan, Utah 4 hours south of Boise. We’ll drive through those flame-colored mountains and feel the earthy breeze dance through the car.

I hope we can say hello to a few big animals and take some beautiful photos and build nice memories with our short trip!

I am glad that for the last two years they managed to come to Boise and spend time with me! It’s officially a tradition in my book. Each time, we will briefly explore a new area together. Last summer, we all went through Oregon to the coastal town of Newport and down the coast a ways. Every scenic stop was a different kind of breathtaking.

It will be so good for my soul, which feels weathered by the year. My plants can only do so much. I have missed my friends. <3

It’s not my problem, so why do I always try to solve it?

home, Pasco County, Florida

The situation is I am in is more or less recurring. I feel obligated to help. Financially help. Various family members. Maybe there’s an ask, sometimes there’s guilt with a wall of purpose. It comes in different shapes and forms and manipulates my emotions. Who knows why it really keeps recurring. I’m a very big empath when it comes to certain people or situations and it is to a fault. My fault.

I think that God gives me the ability to do these things, but it always sets me away from my goals. I feel bad about not meeting them and being able to save more money. With a child and a family, it’s more important to me than ever to be able to set money aside.

I often find articles on the internet that discuss how 40% of American adults cannot cover a $400 emergency expense. I am quite grateful to be in the 60% that can.

When I was younger, I made a lot of financial mistakes but I have been trying to rectify them since my mid-twenties. A baby is not a cheap thing, but we cut costs by using cloth diapers and buying clothes lightly used from local trade groups.

We now have credit cards with a $0 balance, over one thousand dollars saved in a high yield savings account and a total debt of about $10,000 that I am trying to tackle.

As an artist and working mom working in tech, this feels impossible.

Life is hard. How do you deal with the guilt of success? Are you obligated to financially help your family? Will I ever be able to buy a home for my family? Is life in America worth pursuing? Will it get easier? I miss gardening and having a screened-in painting area. I miss having a table made of cement blocks with morning glories growing out of them. I miss waking up early enough to see the sun rise and going on walks every day.

I had a good cry the other day at lunch. Now I feel better, and ready to ride the waves of the universal ocean.

This is August, 2019.