May is different this year. May will never be the same again.

Boise, Idaho

I am actually OK. I think. We need less than we realize and we should hold our government to a higher standard. I’ve always felt this way.

It was a wild world back in 2009, when I was just graduating high school. It felt so weird and unnatural to me that there was always so much trauma and difficulty and tragedy in the world. So much violence and poverty and school shootings and global catastrophes constantly. But we just kept going.

This was just normal life on earth. It was normalized decades before I even got here. We’re learning about it in history books and when you asked your teacher, “Why?” there was never a good answer. A sad sigh, sometimes, but no answers.

I have had conversations with people that I respect and genuinely liked that told me that they don’t think existence needs to be any easier. I just don’t understand thinking that way. Such great distances from the struggles of others or things that wouldn’t affect them.

Maybe now, we can have a collective change of heart. A realization that in missing just two paychecks, almost all Americans are thrust into poverty. If you know someone that is going through it, it makes it more real. Maybe we will become a more empathetic country. I always have hope that we will.

But in this reality, where violence and privilege have been normalized over decades, our most unhinged citizens are protesting stay at home orders as unconstitutional. We are shoving park rangers into water when they ask us to spread apart. Shooting guards when they ask us to wear a mask. Refusing to stay off of public park equipment when politely asked.

We are a disrespectful country and we don’t know any other way. It feels so heavy, my hope in the face of this powerful ignorance. We must do better. Misdirected anger. We need to stay home and stay safe. Our government needs to do better to ensure that it is POSSIBLE.

I hope that these protestors have misplaced anger. Anger that they don’t have a lifeline. They protest to go back to work because we cannot survive for months on a single $1200 check without proper halts on mortgages and rent.

Without proper insurance to ensure the company someone put their love, blood, sweat and tears into for generations only to be shut down indefinitely due to a lackluster response to COVID from the government. Misplaced anger and the complete lack of protection.

People, businesses and families need to be protected in order to stay home. I’m so tired, I’m so tired of this. We must do better.

2 thoughts on “May is different this year. May will never be the same again.

  1. Reading your posts is almost like sitting with you, listening to you. Almost. But instead of replying immediately, I have to wait to assure you that you are not alone and that your views are valid & you are not alone in your thoughts. It’s been 9 years since you graduated from high school – after 12 or 13 years of education in the public school system. It’s been 9 years since I graduated from teaching 35 years in public education. In that last year in public education, we got to work together. I am so fortunate to have been your teacher, mentor, and now friend. You are a treasure. Reading your words is a blessing and a curse. You put a lot of thought into what you write, and you say it so well. That’s the blessing. But I see your dilemma. I feel your longing and despair. I don’t have the answers, but as long as all of us are looking for ways to make this world better, are being kind to one another, and are doing whatever needs to be done to be safe, I know that the future will be better than the present we’re living in. That’s the curse. No easy answers. No quick actions. Please keep thinking and writing and being part of my life.

    1. I am so grateful to have you in my life Courtenay!! Thank you for the words of encouragement (always)… helps keep the faith alive <3

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