It’s not my problem, so why do I always try to solve it?

The situation is I am in is more or less recurring. I feel obligated to help. Financially help. Various family members. Maybe there’s an ask, sometimes there’s guilt with a wall of purpose. It comes in different shapes and forms and manipulates my emotions. Who knows why it really keeps recurring. I’m a very big empath when it comes to certain people or situations and it is to a fault. My fault.

I think that God gives me the ability to do these things, but it always sets me away from my goals. I feel bad about not meeting them and being able to save more money. With a child and a family, it’s more important to me than ever to be able to set money aside.

I often find articles on the internet that discuss how 40% of American adults cannot cover a $400 emergency expense. I am quite grateful to be in the 60% that can.

When I was younger, I made a lot of financial mistakes but I have been trying to rectify them since my mid-twenties. A baby is not a cheap thing, but we cut costs by using cloth diapers and buying clothes lightly used from local trade groups.

We now have credit cards with a $0 balance, over one thousand dollars saved in a high yield savings account and a total debt of about $10,000 that I am trying to tackle.

As an artist and working mom working in tech, this feels impossible.

Life is hard. How do you deal with the guilt of success? Are you obligated to financially help your family? Will I ever be able to buy a home for my family? Is life in America worth pursuing? Will it get easier? I miss gardening and having a screened-in painting area. I miss having a table made of cement blocks with morning glories growing out of them. I miss waking up early enough to see the sun rise and going on walks every day.

I had a good cry the other day at lunch. Now I feel better, and ready to ride the waves of the universal ocean.

This is August, 2019.

Published by Camicamirobot

Acrylic art, I am a color wizard.

One thought on “It’s not my problem, so why do I always try to solve it?

  1. People pleaser. Empath. Survivor. Child of God and His universe. All attributes I value and seek out in my circle of loved ones. You are in my circle & if I can ever help, just ask. You are a wonder to behold & I love reading your blog. You express yourself so freely, purely, and generously. Keep following your heat, and lead with your head. You’ll go farther and be better in the future as you are now. ❤️


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: