Sitting and clinging to my artistic identity

Time looks so different for everyone. I’ve noticed lately that it looks like sitting for me.

Sitting on a couch, and then a recliner, and then in bed. My bambino in my arms everywhere. Sitting on my ass, like a modern day human.

I know how bad sitting is for human beings and I think about it a lot, while I’m sitting down. This is just how life is in 2019. Everyone everywhere: sitting down.

I’ve allowed my mind to go to the wind. When I know there’s so much to do, but I want nothing more than to rest and stare at my baby.

I want to talk to him, hold him and let my eyes glaze over. To become a slave to his growth and well being.

It’s a very strange and intense feeling and I’ve bent to force myself into self care and making art and doing the bare minimum mentally.

I’m just focusing on rest and rejuvenation.

I want this year to be bursting. I ‘m now married, committed to my family as they are permanent fixtures in my life.

A life I never felt had permanent fixtures. It’s a good feeling knowing every day I will have them. It’s a huge responsibility and a huge comfort.

I feel swollen with desire to be a better person now.

Feeling like I’m in the calm before a storm of growth.

Thinking to myself, “This is a great time for a nap”. In one week, when my maternity leave is over I will return to my computer. Feeling reenergized.

Instead of sitting, I will be walking. I will be breathing and maybe driving or hiking or laying in the sun. It up straight, type with good posture, drink my water, clear my throat on mute, read books at night again, and I am going to thrive.

On weekends, I will be painting and spending time with my family.

I’m ready for life. Ready for my new normal life.