It’s not that I really consider the estimated due date an exact science or even remotely infallible. I just want my body back.
This is all that I have in my mind to consider his arrival date. This is the gift I have been given since week 12 of my pregnancy. It’s all I have to look forward to.
I can’t sleep, my hands , fingers and wrists are so swollen. My belly contains the universe for one little human, waiting for validity and the greetings of the earth.
Within my body is another body, another rib cage, another set up legs, a heart beating blood and massive nets of skin.
Eyes, a nose, two fists, two arms, a mouth.
To say that I am scared is an understatement. I’ve lost my nerves, I am trying to remain calm but the changes in my life will be unparalleled. The other part of this is excitement, to have my autonomy back and my body back, just mine.
I’ll share it occasionally, but not 24/7 for nine entire months as I have been. I’m not inclined to to lie, I am extremely scared of the challenge involved in this. Longing for the constant partnership it will take to do this together. I don’t know if I can do it alone. I don’t want to be challenged to find out.
I’ve been unable to sleep, and it’s out of my control so I guess I’ll continue to not sleep.
Everything is waiting for you, Axle. My Christmas gift this year will be your beautiful little fresh born face. In the meantime, I’ll try to negotiate with the pains that are associated with your in utero growth. This pregnancy is killing me and I’m waiting on you to give me new life.
In the meantime, talk soon. Check out the gallery while I’m busy growing a person.