I wasn’t expecting a preemie but I guess you never are. As the months swim by me, the changes and directions we are all experiencing are predictable yet complex. My small family of humans, animals, plants and dreams.
It is April 9th, 2017. A Sunday.
Since we last spoke, my younger sister went into an early labor at 22 weeks pregnant.
Baby Zeke managed to stay in until 23 weeks, when he was born at Tampa General Hospital. She was taken by Bayflight helicopter from Trinity to Tampa General after staying for 2 nights in Trinity with excessive bleeding.
He is doing stable right now, but the reality of her micro preemie and seeing him struggle to develop outside of the womb is completely heartbreaking. It is also fascinating and generally super intense all at the same time.
His skin at first was a bright pink and is now looking a lot like translucent flesh.
He’s so small.. not even 2lbs yet.
I look at him sometimes and just stare and every minute he’s in a different, fragile state. He doesn’t look real. He seems like another doll on the shelf, just this tiny human that sometimes moves his still forming body around and is breathing and existing with the help of some tubes and a lot of machinery.
It’s been very hard figuring out how to react, I am so scared for this little human and his mother.
I feel like I have been reading prognosis journals ever since it happened, obsessing over the outcome.
Just praying to god and not even knowing what to say to my sister.
He’s been a miracle for his entire conception and all I can do is keep prayers going and hope this preemie grows stronger and stronger every day.
When I leave the Hospital, I am still of course working and building gardens and this time around planning details of my very soon move to Oregon, on the west coast of the U.S.
Further away than I have ever been. A new city, a new climate, and new opportunities. The time has come to finally leave Florida and all of her bad memories and good memories and growth and fun and overpopulation problems and everything like that. I’m leaving so much behind, including a struggling nephew and a human I fell in love with and will always adore and a lot of bad habits, too.
I’m leaving behind my lack of creativity, my boredom and my cries. I am leaving behind beautiful gardens I made, and relationships I built. I’m leaving behind some heroes, some family and some friends.
But what awaits me, I truly feel is worth all I’m leaving behind here in Florida.
Life is not slowing down for me or anyone. I still have so much I want to do.