figuring out emotions

In this pretty art room, watching my cat roll around in a mess of off-white blankets and listening to Vashti Bunyan sing about feeling shy and I am looking back on the last 2 days, and the last 3 months that led to it. I learned a lot of lessons, I think we all did. I have learned:

  • It’s ok to get lost sometimes
  • It’s ok to be yourself
  • It’s ok to stress people out
  • It’s ok to love them still
  • It’s ok to fall out of love
  • It’s ok to learn to forgive
  • It’s ok to love a friend
  • Relationships will always have hard parts
  • If the love is real, they will always be there

I know what love is. Its being able to smile and laugh and have fun whether you are doing nothing or something. It is patient and sweet, it is remembering. It doesn’t hurt that much all the time, but it can hurt a lot sometimes. If it is meant to be, you don’t have to force it. You dont have to feel angry or upset all the time. You can simply exist, and even when things get stressful and bad, it is mutually handled because love is there and love fixes things if you let it.

I realized that anxiety and depression work against each other and that letting love perform its healing magicĀ is necessary part of depression and anxiety to ,make sure two people can communicate their different needs. It is easy to fuck up. Its easy to get mad and overreact but if you put enough work into it, fixing it can be easy too.

I think everything is all figured out. I can be happy now. I kept smiling this weekend. I can smile now.

Until next time…

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