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Art means more to me than you do

but I still feel really bad about it.

My roommates just left and I dont know where they are but I am here swallowing my decisions over and over again every time I take a sip of tea. I’m listening to La Maison de Mon Reve again because it’s still one of my favorite albums and I am playing By your side mostly because it makes me think of someone in particular. My stomach is in knots. I have so many tabs open as per standard procedure, sitting here, dual wielding laptops trying to find a job and smelling bananas and chocolate and mint tea on my desk. Its cold in here. I am thinking about how much I want things to happen so badly and how bad I am at making things happen. “I just want to be your housewife.”

If I don’t make it in art I will live with myself knowing I threw away something truly beautiful and that scares me. I wish I had my mouse so I felt comfortable enough to do illustrations again. I have so much inspiration lately from the network of people I have been meeting. I am setting up accounts but doing the business side of things is so much less fun than the experiences I have that make me create in the first place. I should be writing more but admitting things to myself is hard enough, nevermind a bunch of complete strangers on the internet. Boy, if you are reading this I love you and I …just love you. Goodnight. 🙂

6 thoughts on “Art means more to me than you do

  1. I love it when you write, you have a gift & I wish you would take the plunge & write a plethora with art in a book & sell it. That would be great.

    1. i just dont have enough money to publish anything like that…! i would absolutely love to. my mind is filled to the brim with words i need to get them all out of there

  2. I can totally relate & understand the financial situation. I live it too. I just keep praying that you will consisistentlty be able to pour your soul out even if its on here, until someone gets funds to gather your works for a formal book. Ily sweet dreams.

  3. You can publish your book on Amazon for nothing. As long as you have a computer capable of using Microsoft Word it’s not that difficult. No need for a printer at all. I did it last year when I was 68. Amazon has a guide telling you what format they prefer and there’s a programme you can download to change your Word document to html. I don’t even know what it stands for but it worked first time for me. You just have to be prepared to learn as all the information you need is right there on Amazon.
    http://kdp.amazon.com
    KDP stands for Kindle Direct publishing. Look out for Createspace too. This is also run by Amazon and lets you publish your book in paperback form for next to nothing. You only pay for the first book and they hold the format digitally so that when someone orders your book, it’s printed to order. They also promote the paperback edition in libraries and bookshops. I hope this gives you the inspiration to try. Don’t let lack of money put you off. My husband had to give up work owing to a heart attack 25 years ago, and I was looking after my elderly parents and my husband, so couldn’t work. I do know the difficulties. I wish you success for the future and may you have a long life to enjoy it. 🙂

    1. wow! Thank you so much for your helpful comment! Maybe I should just write out the book of my life and get all of this therapeutic word trash out of my mind so I can paint more :3 You are so kind!

      1. You’re welcome!

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