That’s a recurring theme of the NDE’s I’ve been reading over the last few weeks at the Near Death Experience Research Foundation. Your soul, spirit, etc floats above your physical body and time seems meaningless while your awareness is fully realized.

The calmness, dark tunnel and the white light at the end. That part is exciting to me and I can relate. Time feels like a shackle to me and when I can let go of my timely obligations and just exist, as I do in a garden for example on a day off, I feel the most joy and time slips by faster.

I’ve been receiving messages lately about the way the universe works. I miss being 24 and going on walks alone at night. I spent years being alone and now I am so wholly committed to my person that I wouldn’t want to walk alone because I wouldn’t want to scare him should he wake.

I was talking to my dad recently about my theories that the second-coming of Christ is an evolutionary event. Every generation of humans biologically become more loving beings and closer to the source, that is “God”. I am not afraid of dying, and even more have focused entirely on raising a loving human being. It’s hard and really exhausting.

One day, maybe in hundreds or perhaps thousands of years every single human will be spiritually aware and loving and able to kill their egos.

When photographs first started gaining popularity, there emerged a trend by some Photographers to capture spirits. Commonly referred to as spirit photography, William Hope comes to mind.

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I believe every generation is getting kinder, smarter, and this is a slow evolution into a more loving humanity. Earth will evolve with the humans that inhabit it as a more beautiful planet when given the proper love and care.

Like an endlessly tessellating fractal of human experience, we will grow better, stronger, kinder and closer to God with each evolutionary repetition.

Time, this fake human construct I experience despite my best efforts to not. The time is flirting with midnight. My beautiful partner, snoring lightly. My beautiful child, sleeping in another room.

I would lay down sometimes with a cloth over my eyes and just imagine leaving my physical body and floating around it but I am scared. An out of body experience, many others describe. I don’t think that I can bring myself to try, even though I know that I could. Not right now, it’s too stressful. There’s never any quiet or alone time anymore.

But for so long there was! I could close my eyes in a grassy spot and just waft around on earth but also everywhere. I could feel the connectedness to the entire planet. I could trace my energy like never-ending veins reaching out and affecting everything. I can’t do that right now, its very much a chaotic situation on earth and the receiving end of that chaos physically introduces itself as a headache. People, stress, chaos.

The blessings in my life right now are breathing down my neck. I am grateful that for the most part, my little family is able to focus on our love for each other and being grateful for everything and helping others where possible.

It is 2020, and things are bad but they are still better than they have ever been on Earth and that’s what is important. I try to constantly remind myself, we are spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience here on Earth. I am not afraid of dying, but I sometimes believe I am afraid of making the most of life.

This rant was supposed to be motivational, maybe I should pick up a paintbrush or go to sleep and stop drinking coffee because parenting is hard and so will be tomorrow.

I am a spiritual being having a temporary physical experience, and that is why I am so tired these days.

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I have been helping my Father with a new website hosted on WordPress so that I can help him with the technology aspects of his music. I have always loved his music as it has inspired me since a very young age to pursue new things to listen to from different generations, especially the blues.

You can check it out here: https://billybongsterband.wordpress.com/

I will be back very soon, sending love!

I am a citizen disgusted, of the United States of America. In case you are not, and unfamiliar with news in this country, there has been a racial divide :forever: and it has left us damaged and divided for as long as America broke free from the reigns of Great Britain. He was gunned down while jogging February 23rd, 2020.

Ahmaud Arbery.

This dude was beautiful, he has a huge smile and he was just going for a jog in his neighborhood. Another disgusting defense and senseless crime.

If you are a fellow American with any tendencies for pattern recognition, this is a pretty familiar plot. Black Americans gunned down by police brutality. Blue protecting blue, infiltration of white supremacists within the Police Forces in the south, etc etc. I truly hope justice is served for Ahmaud and that these people cannot hurt anyone else.

I often want to see and learn about the Ahmaud Arbery and other highlighted deaths.. I think of it as, don’t know, a little dedication. A little moment with them. I guess it’s another side effect of the internet, we can reconnect with people whenever we want through their images and content. Dead or alive. Every photo on the internet I could see was this gorgeous smile. Goodbye, beautiful man, I’m sorry you were taken away like this.

The dirty white man that makes me feel uncomfortable. No smile, dirty pants, dirty appearance. Full of hate. A former federal prosector’s investigator, so of course they wanted to cover this up.

The entire police system is corrupt.

Too many Americans are proud and not ashamed of our history with slavery.

It makes my stomach churn, the problems America has with violence. The problems we have in our communities. In our government and police systems.

And I may not know what a solution looks like, but I know what it feels like to be mad for my entire fucking life about the same shit.

These are unprecedented times that we are all living in and many people right now are struggling with their mental health, myself included. The collective anxiety we are feeling is real and warranted as we are managing this pandemic through social distancing measures. Many readers have been quarantined for weeks at this point, some for the very first time! I have been working from home for years and have plenty of experience being alone in a home for long periods of time. Here’s five self-care tips on how to not just survive your lockdown, but to thrive!

1. A variety of houseplants

Global health crises or not, a good collection of plants will always enhance the time you spend in your home. Cleaner air and living plants are easily my favorite bringers of joy. Watching new leaves uncurl in the early mornings with the company of coffee and a stress tear. That’s my 6:30am. The lighting is perfect at 3 points during the day, and I will make a point to loiter near my plant shelves for a moment.

For low light, you can get snake plants (Dracaena trifasciata), pothos, or most varieties of succulent. Of course, the more available sunlight you have to work with, the wider variety of plants you can grow in your home. There’s always a way to build your perfect indoor jungle.

It helps!

2. Music

I have met people in my life that did not constantly have music playing in the background, or that did not listen to music as an activity and it struck me as quite strange. I guess having a musician father has really impacted me in this way, but the power music has over the influence of our moods is astounding to me. I cherish my silence just as much, but having up beat music on while you cook breakfast and dinner always improves mood. Especially when you bust out some dance moves!

Some of my favorite music to listen to includes Tame Impala, Jimi Hendrix, Budos Band, etc. I love a solid reggae hour and funk hour littered throughout the week. You’ve gotta get moving so put on whatever makes you dance! Your plants will love it, too.

3. Keep Track of Something

Calories. Rainbows. It could be bird sightings, or the weather, or even how many inches your seedlings grow each week. When your life is simple and you are at home to observe everything, you might as well keep a log and be passionate about something. I miss simpler times when I could track egret sightings out the window in front of my office. The peace!

4. Neighborhood Walks

If you are able to do so in a way that avoids other people up, I highly recommend walking at least 30 minutes a day outside. It’s spring time, and as long as contacted can be avoided, the baby flowers and new grasses are like a warm broth for your soul. And if you can’t go outside safely, you can always vacuum your home 5 times a day (which I also do!)

5. Be grateful

Be grateful for your ability to facilitate the world in it’s recovery from the Covid-19 pandemic. You are here with us and you can stay home for a few months while countries contain the outbreak. This is a service to fellow humans and we’re all in it together. Be grateful for your health, and do your part!

March 2020 has arrived and evacuated, while collective anxiety flirts with the entire human population of Earth.

April is here, and stress radiates through every human display. Human displays are witnessed via a screen more often than a human being you can physically touch and talk to. Businesses are closed, people are home for weeks at a time.

And every single one of us humans are freaking out. Our hearts collectively beating right out of its chest, astrally projecting itself above your physical containment.

The only way to protect your mind from these trying times we felt so far away from as a modern society is the same as it was during the bubonic plague and many other epidemics throughout history. Through art and connection.

I hope everyone can stay home and maintain connection with other humans in a healthy and beautiful way. The next 6 months will be hard. The next few years will be hard. We are all struggling, we are all in this together.

I always write my title’s last. I suppose it has to happen that way when you don’t know what you will write / draw / create until it’s being created. My words don’t linger anywhere but on the screen or paper.

I left Idaho to visit my extended friends and family in Florida for 3 weeks and it was the most wonderful and emotionally exhausting 3 weeks of my life! I truly recognize now that I’ve never missed anyone before and have promised myself not to ever leave without my husband again, it’s simply much too hard. SO here we are, back home, and waiting impatiently for him to return home from a welding job in Washington state.

We’ve been waiting since Tuesday and it is now Friday afternoon. Soon! Soon! I am so excited I am clicking away on my keyboard because I know this whole weekend will be too busy filled with love and happiness and cuddles that I couldn’t possibly get any writing done.

Florida is always a wonderful time and I’m so blown away with gratitude for the quantity and quality of friends that we have there, even if they may not know my husband at all and just met my child, we are always welcomed there with open arms and it feels fantastic.

We got in to Tampa at 11:15 pm and my dad came to pick us up, joint in hand and quite cranky to be made to grab us but circumstances are never ever what I anticipate so, my moms car broke down and here he is.

The drive back to Holiday was a long one and so I clutched my son on my lap and held on for dear life and prayed we would evade the police for 60 minutes flirting with midnight and naturally, it seemed to work.

The first people besides my parents that I truly wanted to see would be these beautiful friends of mine! Holly, Joe and Evelyn. Creative, kind, and energetic souls that I will adore for the rest of my life. We had a few beers and talked about how much we love each other and about classism and existence and being supportive and laughing and crying. It was a real treat!

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We spent so much time in Holly’s garden and Axle loved to play with the bird bath and toss dirt every which way. His sweet smile melted souls and I am so proud of my happy boy. We went to the beach with my mom and MJ and Evelyn and that was Axle’s first time at a beach. The sun was setting at Anclote and everyone just looked so RADIANT!

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Miss Holly will come be in Idaho for a while and I could not be happier!!! A union of souls, and hopefully the start of an even greater migration.

Beyond the layers of our atmosphere, there is an unknown and ever expanding universe and no one knows what lives there. In the event that earth suffers a catastrophe and is.. say.. sucked into a black hole. A tear in our atmosphere occurs in our sky. You can look up and see the tear opening up, like a window into the universe beyond. Black stars and nebulae.

Then, destruction. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, the tectonic plates are stirring heavy. Heat waves, tsunamis, and all manner of natural disaster on every part of the planet.

Unparalleled beauty, the brief moments before the end of it all. Earth turns into dust and debris, sucked into the black hole like the violent waters of waterfall. Every day that this doesn’t happen is a gift. Our cosmic universe is so vast, and our reality is one so taken for granted.

I’ve created comfortable environments out of thin air and tried to connect or at least be nonthreatening to every single other living thing around me. That we even exist is too incredible to not appreciate. Perhaps it is a game or an experiment to other worldly beings. Sky-man.

The spirits of the dead fill the universe with their energy, in whatever form that it exists. Colors, lights. They are taunting the living with their invisible influence, and maybe some angels and devils linger in the atmosphere.

Maybe extra terrestrial beings are curious about us and make visits as often as former humans.

These are things different people have thought of in ancient time. Sumerians, Egyptians. The people of the sky.

Our human bodies and anatomy and biology and our history and this ever expanding universe full of energy and beauty? It’s incredible. My little boy, I believe, had nightmares last night. He was inconsolably screaming until midnight when I pulled him into bed with me, he immediately quieted to sleep. Nightmares! Another interesting part of existence.

The sky is brightening, a sign that 8:00am is approaching. The sun doesn’t come out in the winter. The sky just brightens and the mountains become faintly visible in the far off distance.

Thirteen drafts filled with a half a sentence. Writing is so hard to do with a curious and persistent 13- month old toddler wandering around interested in a laptop with all of his being. This time though, I’m elevated and sitting with my legs crossed on the bed. A set of watchful eyes. Two sets, in fact, as the cat is on the bed with me.

Every day is becoming more system, a good thing. Mentally, things are just numb enough. This world, is amazingly disappointing. I am waiting for The President of the United States to be acquitted on his crimes. An unfit man in a demanding position, the weight of which is visibly crumbling him.

And the world is laughing at the United States, this crumbling man leading the nation to crumble with him. To topple over after a disgusting network of racism and hate spread throughout the underbelly of the country. How do you uninstall these ideologies within American society? What would a moral infiltration look like and how long would it take?

Every interaction with a racist person should be designed around displaying that equality is the only way that is truly aligned with God. It’s the only way to live. Racism is so damaging for no reason. We should unite to fight for a better treatment of our PLANET.

This planet that just happens to exist with all of these billions of people. In the hundreds of years that humans have existed here together on this planet and we still haven’t learned to stop the violence and hatred.

It’s so stressful and I feel guilty bringing a child into a world like this even. I am hoping that if I raise a kind, intelligent and good person to the best of my abilities, it may have a positive ripple effect for generations to come. But the guilt lives in my head, too, right next to those thoughts.

2020. We’re flirting with other predicted end of the world dates, and technology is advancing quite rapidly into AI based. The world our government was designed for is not the world we are living in. It’s just not working.

I am holding my breath. Trying to minimize my impact on the world. The majority of the time, I buy things only second hand. I don’t buy paper towels, other unnecessary product that becomes trash.

I’m just waiting. I guess we all are, but really, we should organize. Don’t you think?

🙂